Tough Evening

It was a tough evening last night. I made pork chop sandwiches last night for dinner. I know I have mentioned that Jennifer did not catch my eye with her culinary skills. However she did make a mean porkchop sandwich.

Well last night I went looking for the recipe and I could not find it. Of course I found recipes for a whole bunch of other stuff. If we/she really liked something she would put a note on the recipe and on most of them she had also put the weight watcher points for the recipe. Also if there was a particular ingredient she did not like she would scratch that (e.g. peas, ginger, etc) out so we would not include it the next time or she did not include it the first time.

Well me not being able to find the recipe and seeing these other recipes really triggered me and I had probably the biggest cry since she passed. Again, I think it is because I know she will never make these recipes again and just the reality of her being gone truly sinking in. Anyway it really hurt.

I was able to find a close proximity of the recipe on the internet plus I had made it with her enough times to get the porkchops cooked. They turned out fine but they were not as good as when she made them. Of course this put me in a shitty mood for the rest of the evening. However, I pulled through. I did have a lot of dreams about her last night. I don't remember a lot of the details, but I do know they were positive ones with her laughing in them. So I woke up feeling a bit better this morning.

Well I better get a move on. I have Bocce this morning and then off to golf this afternoon. Thankfully the winds appear to be letting up. Yesterday was a nice day and hopefully today is equally nice.