Last night just before going to bed one of those Sleep Number Bed commercials came on the TV and it triggered a memory of one of the biggest fights that Jennifer and I had during our marriage. I just chuckled about it and went to bed. Last night all I dreamnt about was that damn bed and the fight so needless to say I did not well. Maybe if I get it of my chest it will go away and I can move on.
We were living in Houston at the time and we decided it was time for a new mattress. We were still sleeping on the mattress our folks had gotten us for our wedding present. We had been hearing about these sleep number beds, Janice and Kenn had one and they liked them. Paul Harvey was a celebrity spokeperson salesperson for them. Damn it if Paul was selling them they had to be good! Well hold on folks I am going to give you the rest of the story.
So we decided we were going to buy one. We also decided we were going to order it online. I think this was both the first large dollar item and first large item (physically) that we had ordered online. Anyway it shows up and if I remember correctly it was three pretty good sized boxes and it was delivered on a Friday.
The sleep number bed did not sit on a box spring it sat on a large plastic platform (so we had to put that together). We go about getting these boxes opened and putting the damn bed together. We had to lug the box spring and mattress out of the bed and get the new one in. Luckily the Houston house had the largest and nicest master bedroom of all the houses we owned. It was very large and had a good sized reading room with fire place attached to it. We had room to lay the box spring and mattress in there so we could bring the new sleep number bed in and get it in place.
Well it took us most of a Saturday to get this bed put together. We built the platform which was like a large plastic jig saw puzzle. We got the matresses put on it and their individual little air compressors hooked up. One for each of us. We blow the matresses up and we let it air out for bit. If I remember correctly they were pretty plasticy smelling.
While they were airing out we read up in the manual on how to determine your sleep number (e.g. hardness of the bed). We did this without the sheets/blankets on in determing our sleep numbers. Of course our numbers were different. So we think we have the numbers set for each of us.
We let them air out a couple of hours more and then just before going to bed we put read the sheets and blankets and all the typical shit women put on beds (decorative pillows and comforters, etc.).
So we go to bed. Well our initial sleep numbers that we thought were correct were not. So each of us was fiddling with the hardness and the bed room sounded like it was a milking barn those little compressors pumping and venting as we fiddled with them. Of course I found my number pretty quickly and I fell asleep and I slept well. Jennifer was just the opposite. I don’t know if she ever fell asleep. Let me put it this way she gave that little compressor a workout. She dicked with it all night (by her account). Meanwhile she is getting pissed because I was sleeping like a baby.
Anyway I wake up the next morning and she is not in the bedroom. This was a major red flag (that I was stupid enough not to see). As I have mentioned before,Jennifer was a power sleeper and I could probably count on one hand the number of times she was up before me. In fact, looking back this may have been the first time since we were married that it had happened (we were married probably about 15 years at the time). So maybe that is why I missed the red flag.
Anyway I get out of bed and go out to the kitchen, and she is at the kitchen table. She looked like she had been on a bender. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were blood shot and she was pouting and as I walk in to the Kitchen she makes the proclamation that we are getting rid of that bed.
Well that is when the fight started, I won’t bore you with all the details, but it was a doozy. I truly found out all of my shortcomings during that particular fight.
From my side it was probably more about the principle of not getting my opinion/thoughts before she made her proclamation. During this battle my position changed into how we were going to get this damn thing returned and how much it was going to cost us.
Well I soon got educated by her that all that shit did not matter. If I did not change my opinion and get rid of that damn bed it was going to cost me a shit ton more because I was going to be looking for a lawyer and would find ( if I was lucky) half my shit in the front yard and new locks on the house.
So needless to say, we returned the bed. Let me just say if we thought unpacking it was a bitch, it was nothing compared to getting it repacked. We got it done and ended up buying a traditional type spring matress.
I guess Jennifer sleep number must have been a half number and sleep beds did not have half numbers and that folks is the rest of the story!
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