One Year

Today marks one year since Jennifer passed away.

In some ways I have been really dreading this day. For the past several days I have had a range of emotions, but surprisingly the one emotion I have not had is anger.

I am still so very much thankful that if she was going to pass away that in the big scheme of things she went quickly. I have written about how friends have endured years of heartache, pain and struggles on so many fronts (physical, mental and financial) as they watch their loved ones depart this world. At least Jennifer’s passing was quick in comparison, while she did not deserve to leave us so quickly, she certainly did not deserve a long drawn out, painful death. So I am very much grateful that the good lord stepped in and said no to that.

They say everything happens for a reason and while I know I will never know the reason that Jennifer was chosen to be taken so young I am at peace that she did not have to endear more than she did.

I still am struggling with my last moments with her. I still see her eyes as I was pushing on her chest as hard as I could while I was doing CPR on her trying like hell to keep her with us. I still hear the sounds of her ribs breaking as I was doing the compressions and talking to her asking her to hang on. Then I remember as the EMT’s were working on her asking God to just go ahead and take her home. I just did not want her to suffer. I know those visions are going to be with me for the rest of my living days. I guess that is just part of my cross to bear as I move on with my life.

I am also so thankful that the morning of her death that we had the talk that we did, while I never envisioned that it would be that day she would go.

I also want to thank everyone that has supported me as I continue to grieve and try to come to grips with her not being here anymore. I have had several people say they appreciate me writing this blog, and while I truly appreciate the praise I do it, because it helps me try to come to terms with her being gone.

Today I will be spending the day with Jeanne and Rob. Rob is having a medical procedure in Bozeman. He will not be able to drive after the procedure (due to the anesthetic) so I will be along to drive them back home. Please keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer that everything goes smoothly.

The painting of the folks house is progressing, and the prep for the garage sale is moving along. Cindy is hoping to do it next Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I hauled some more stuff over yesterday evening. I had a nice sloppy Joe dinner with them. Sloppy Joe’s are one of Cases’s favorite dinners. One of the neighbor kids also joined us. He is also a little pisser. However, it was a nice evening.

Well I better to get moving got lots to do before I head to Jeanne and Robs. So for those reading, thank you.